Switzerland

Zurich

One night when we were at dinner in Greece we spent an hour trying to name all of the places we were going to. We kept coming up one name short. The missing one was Switzerland. Lets see.

Here is us navigating the Paris Metro.

Hang on. What the fuck are we doing in Paris? Let’s rewind and I’ll explain.

Brussels to Switzerland is a long trip, it’s about 7.5 hours on the train. We got to Brussels North railway station in lots of time to catch the 7:42am train. In fact we had to get two metros to get us there. It was obviously a bit early for the Belgians.

We found the announcement board and went to the right platform and we waited. And we waited. And we waited. But the train didn’t show up.

We went to information.

“There is a strike. Maybe the next one will show up but I doubt it. Anyway we only have one international train from here, you might be better at Central Station.”

Two more metros and we were at Information at Central Station.

“The 1:23pm train will be running.” the guy told us. “The 7:42 from Brussels North ran ok, so I expect they’ll be fine from now on.”

“The 7:42 didn’t run ok. That was our train.”

So over we went to the Hilton which provides free Internet access with every expensive breakfast.

Apparently all international trains from Belgium are on strike except for Eurorail. So off we headed to Brussels Midi railway station where Eurorail operate from. That’s it. We’ve got the complete set of train stations. Now if anyone lands on us it will cost them $200 rent.

“I can get you there via Paris but you arrive at Paris Nord and leave from Paris Gard de Lyon. You’ll have to get over on the Metro. You should make it.”

Well “should” is better than “could” and we didn’t fancy staying in Brussels any longer so off we went. We ran past the other 3 members of our Brussels away team who were a bit surprised to see us but we couldn’t stop to talk, we had a mission.

We just made it.

“Fuck you. I’m a bear. I don’t need to be relevant.”

They sat us in the bar carriage so things were fine from there on. Except for when we had to wait 40 minutes at Dijon while the police arrived for some unexplained reason. The train was packed from Paris to Dijon but when they announced that the police were on their way, we got the whole thing to ourselves.

Switzerland is the country with the most wealthy people in the world and not surprisingly is also the most expensive place on earth to live. Even Roger Federer can’t afford to live here. Speaking of famous Swiss people, well, that’s about it. People often think Martina Hingis was Swiss but she was actually born in Slovakia. Try it yourself, search for famous Swiss people. Two of the top hits are Heidi and William Tell. Both fictitious. At least Belgium had Hercule Poirot.

If you are in a big city in Europe, the trick is usually to try to find somewhere that isn’t too touristy so you can eat cheaply. Not in Zurich. We found a place full of locals and ordered the house wine and two basic plates of food. Chicken and pork. It was a great place, like a school canteen but for adults.

It cost us $170 AUD making it the single most expensive meal of the trip. Tomorrow we are going to try to find where the tourists are all eating. I saw one stealing bread off a duck earlier so at least we know where to start.

The Swiss don’t use the Euro. In fact half of bloody Europe won’t accept it which has been a bit annoying. The Swiss won’t use it because their banking system is “unique”. For the longest time having a Swiss bank account has meant you were up to no good. Even the bank buildings themselves are much bigger than most banks you normally come across. This is because of the large rooms of gold fillings and spectacles that they contain. I am alright for fillings but I did get a nice 1930s style suit and a pair of bifocals.

Actually Tub didn’t laugh at that one at all but I had a left over picture I thought I should use.

In case you don’t believe how expensive it is in Switzerland, here is their Christmas tree.

They don’t even bother to take the jewellery out of the shop windows at night. We tipped the waiter in the Beer Hall restaurant as he was walking out to get in his Porsche.

This was the only tourist attraction we could afford to visit.

Thankfully we found the Co-op.

Not just once. We found it 3 times.

We went to a church (well, you have to really).

But we didn’t go to the Karaoke.

Apparently this year they held a competition for the worst European statue. Zurich was a bit surprised to win, because they hadn’t even entered.

If you chucked all of Europe in a blender then the posh stuff that rose to the top would be Zurich.

Unfortunately when you went to pour it out a whole load of Sofia would glug out from the bottom.

Zurich is very nice but fucking small. If you walk for 15 minutes you end up looking back at the city.

But its a nice city and if you have a BMW 7 Series and a job in a bank you can live just over here and drive in to work every day in time for lunch.

Or if you are a tourist you can buy 2 takeaway kebabs for only $41.39 AUD. I shit you not. Well at least not for the next couple of hours anyway.

Tomorrow India. Actually no, its the other food we eat, Italy.